Marriage & Relationships

In the Summer of 2010 a published PsycHealth article on “Destructive Narcissistic Parents” triggered a number of calls from the adult offspring of these parents. They felt relieved in recognizing that they were not alone, nor were their parents who struggled with these traits. In therapy they were able to address the emotions they encountered…

Sandra and Ben had anticipated getting married after their university graduation. They were looking forward to setting up their own home, being able to spend unprecedented time together, establish their own lifestyle, raise a family and continue to work in their chosen careers, supported unconditionally by the other. However, the reality that followed did not…

Mary has suffered for years in her personal relationships and in her private world. Her behaviour, thoughts, and emotions were often described as though she was in the middle of a whirlwind. When meeting men she would put them on a pedestal, idealizing them to the point where they appeared to reach near sainthood in…

Spring has sprung and summer is almost upon us. Near are the days when school will be let out and our children will be home for the summer. For some, this is a time of joyful anticipation. Vacation schedules are arranged, long awaited holidays are planned, and preparations are begun. For others, the anticipation may…

As an old proverbs states « Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I understand. » In a few words, this wise saying reminds us that discussion, reflection or analysis are not sufficient to effect lasting change. If we want to make a real difference in our lives, we…

Anne complained, “He’s always making us late”. “Whenever we have to be somewhere, he always gets himself ready at the last minute and I end up having to wait for him”. “We never show up anywhere on time!” “Never!” Anne was clearly upset. Last night she and her husband Gary had been invited to attend…

Many of us have grown to adulthood with child-based shame thoughts. Our self confidence can be readily undermined when these “little boy” or “little girl” thoughts creep in. These thoughts seem to have a life of their own and frequently are negative or critical. Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning in, Self Esteem, mention that these…

Many women are losing their marriages and they don’t know it. Many women have interpersonal needs, which are not being met in their marital relationship. They probably have friends with whom they share the emotional side of their lives. This helps; however there are needs which can be best met by the marriage partner. When…

Problems in marriages are as predictable as death and taxes. What’s not so evident is how to solve them. Just as small weeds keep growing into large, deep rooted ones, when small everyday problems are left unresolved they often grow into difficult situations that must be dealt with extensively in order to remove the potential…

We were sitting down to lunch. I, a visitor to this large cosmopolitan city, another close male relative, and his daughter. The lunch? A bowl of canned tomato soup that was curdled and lukewarm, and bland cheese sandwiches. My host had done his best and we were just sitting down at the table as his…

Listening is like dancing. If you get the steps in the right order there is flow and harmony. If you skip a step or reverse them, someone trips up, often resulting in tension and upset. Within marriage, it can be difficult to listen well. It is easy to “react” to what one hears instead of…

1. Never both be angry at once. 2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. 3. Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in self-discipline if you can’t think of a better reason. 4. If you have any criticism, make it lovingly. 5. If you have a choice…