Marriage & Relationships

I recently watched a wonderful documentary, The Barkley Marathons, about an ultra endurance trail race that takes place in the Tennessee mountains.  Only 40 runners are accepted into the race each year.  Covering the entire distance of 160 kilometres (100 miles) or more also requires climbing and descending the equivalent of Mount Everest – twice.  To…

While my soccer team is on Winter hiatus, I have been musing about how much playing a team sport reminds me of relationship building.  What makes relationships strong and what creates challenges are similar for a team, a couple, or a family.  Soccer promotes good sportsmanship as much as good foot skills.  Since taking up…

Do men go through a midlife crisis? Is there research to support such a concept or is this an “urban legend?” The books “Passages” and “Seasons of a Man’s Life” were published several years ago but were based on small samples of investigation. Yet, men in their early 50s or 60s arrive in my counselling…

We gathered our children and grandchildren and headed to the west coast of Vancouver Island for a short family vacation. As in the past, we were anticipating the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company and remove ourselves from the demands of everyday life. We knew that there would be laughter, great food and long walks…

Maya Angelo, the beloved American poet, stated “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. How we react to others over time creates deep and lasting feelings that are remembered indefinitely. Martin Seligman describes four different types of…

Research on divorce found that divorcing couples complained about the very qualities they used to love in each other.  The differences that had always been there, and that each had once admired in the other, were now seen as troublesome and unforgivable.  These couples had now become polarized and resentful. Most couples I have met…

Sue felt frustrated and alone. She and Jack had just had another spat, again over something which to her seemed trivial. As of late conflicts were happening more and more frequently between them, with Jack taking longer and longer to get over them. As usual, Sue apologized hoping to end the conflict quickly. She would…

The idea of love has captured the imagination of humanity and has intrigued the hearts and minds of men and women since the beginning of time. Years ago I came across a couple who were moving towards divorce following 32 years of marriage. Both in their 50’s, the wife appeared sad and tired of living…

“Life is difficult”. This is the first sentence of Scott Peck’s book “The Road less Travelled”. He then goes on to say that life is a series of problems, and our natural tendency is to want to avoid problems rather than face them head on. This tendency to avoid both the problems and the emotional…

The day had only just begun and already Tom and Jan were blaming each other. “Did you remember to call Mom yesterday about sitting for us on Saturday?” asked Tom with a slight edge to his voice. “No, I was too busy dealing with the kids to get to it” replied Jan abruptly. “But you…

Sam felt frustrated. He and Claudia have been married for 12 years and had made the decision a year ago that Claudia would take a leave from her job as a registered nurse to stay at home with the children. At the time this decision seemed to make sense for them. The amount of money…

What two attitudes are necessary to create and maintain a successful marriage? Both spouses must be open to growth and they must make their marriage the top priority. Many couples are surprised to learn that they have the opportunity to grow and mature within a marriage. It seems to me that one’s spouse takes on…