Personal Growth

This is a question that I often put to couples who attend the premarital workshops I present. I like the question because it requires what are called “higher order thinking skills” – a more effective way of engaging new information than simply receiving it in a rote learning format. The answers I receive to this…

When a couple marries, they can be truly miserable if they follow a few simple rules! When life is busy and stress levels are high, it is important to “do one’s own thing.”  Take time to unwind and relax; this is far more important than conversing with your spouse. If a conversation should happen to…

I woke up on a recent Saturday morning feeling tired and lethargic.  I thought of my list of things-to-do and decided that the best course of action was to enjoy my coffee in my easy chair. This plan didn’t require as much energy or focus. I waited to feel the motivation necessary to get on…

Mary, happily married for 10 years, still harbors extreme bitterness towards an ex-boyfriend who cheated on her 20 years ago. Brett remains enraged with a supervisor that “didn’t appreciate” all of “the hard work” he had done many years earlier. Sheila is frequently at her “boiling point,” in response to the childhood emotional neglect she…

Very few people are completely extroverted or introverted, but for those who are closer to the introverted end of the spectrum, please read on. Extroversion has been seen as the ideal personality type. What we are now recognizing is that introversion is also a normal variation of personality. Research shows that the brains of introverts…

How fortunate we are to live in a rainforest! Even as I’m sitting at my computer, looking out the window at snow, sleet and grey skies, I’m grateful. Not for the grey skies, but for the trees surrounding us and a climate that allows us to get outside and be active year round. Regular physical…

Seven years ago, a colleague and I attended an annual conference in Washington, DC called the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium. We were excited about meeting one of the key note speakers, John Gottman, a marriage and relationship researcher and expert whom we learned about while in grad school. We kept seeing a man of similar stature…

Often times I hear people tell youth their teen years are going to be the ‘best years of their lives’. Every time I hear this, I shake my head. Having worked with a teenage population for a couple years has opened my eyes to all the new challenges and difficulties that are being thrown into…

I recently watched a wonderful documentary, The Barkley Marathons, about an ultra endurance trail race that takes place in the Tennessee mountains.  Only 40 runners are accepted into the race each year.  Covering the entire distance of 160 kilometres (100 miles) or more also requires climbing and descending the equivalent of Mount Everest – twice.  To…

While my soccer team is on Winter hiatus, I have been musing about how much playing a team sport reminds me of relationship building.  What makes relationships strong and what creates challenges are similar for a team, a couple, or a family.  Soccer promotes good sportsmanship as much as good foot skills.  Since taking up…

We don’t intend to sabotage ourselves.  But if we take the time to observe how we are living our life on a daily basis, we might catch glimpses of how we seem to thwart our own best interests by the habits we keep, the attitudes we hold or the behavior we extend towards others.  Based…

On February 16th 2015, at around 4:15pm, I received a call while at work from a friend who lives in my apartment building. She said “Chris, there’s a fire in our building and we’ve been evacuated. But don’t worry; the fire is on the opposite side of the building from where we both live.” At…