marriage

This is a question that I often put to couples who attend the premarital workshops I present. I like the question because it requires what are called “higher order thinking skills” – a more effective way of engaging new information than simply receiving it in a rote learning format. The answers I receive to this…

When a couple marries, they can be truly miserable if they follow a few simple rules! When life is busy and stress levels are high, it is important to “do one’s own thing.”  Take time to unwind and relax; this is far more important than conversing with your spouse. If a conversation should happen to…

I woke up on a recent Saturday morning feeling tired and lethargic.  I thought of my list of things-to-do and decided that the best course of action was to enjoy my coffee in my easy chair. This plan didn’t require as much energy or focus. I waited to feel the motivation necessary to get on…

Mary, happily married for 10 years, still harbors extreme bitterness towards an ex-boyfriend who cheated on her 20 years ago. Brett remains enraged with a supervisor that “didn’t appreciate” all of “the hard work” he had done many years earlier. Sheila is frequently at her “boiling point,” in response to the childhood emotional neglect she…

Do men go through a midlife crisis? Is there research to support such a concept or is this an “urban legend?” The books “Passages” and “Seasons of a Man’s Life” were published several years ago but were based on small samples of investigation. Yet, men in their early 50s or 60s arrive in my counselling…

Research on divorce found that divorcing couples complained about the very qualities they used to love in each other.  The differences that had always been there, and that each had once admired in the other, were now seen as troublesome and unforgivable.  These couples had now become polarized and resentful. Most couples I have met…

Many women are losing their marriages and they don’t know it. Many women have interpersonal needs, which are not being met in their marital relationship. They probably have friends with whom they share the emotional side of their lives. This helps; however there are needs which can be best met by the marriage partner. When…

Listening is like dancing. If you get the steps in the right order there is flow and harmony. If you skip a step or reverse them, someone trips up, often resulting in tension and upset. Within marriage, it can be difficult to listen well. It is easy to “react” to what one hears instead of…

Many guys are losing their marriages and they don’t know it. Gone is the day when a guy can work and “bring home the bacon” and think that he is fulfilling his role as a husband and father. That may have been what Dad did but it’s not enough anymore (and probably wasn’t then either).…